taken away

"forget about me" think its easy, its not. I fell inlove with you. I knew what i was getting into. I was getting into me fighting for someone, someone who would take all the problems away. Its more of a sweep me off of my feet kind of thing. I wanted those relationships when family would get involved, surprisingly, it happened. You and i made us happen. Arguments came along here and there.. but that here and there became all the time. Id never tell you anything because youd judge me, go deny it. But its what got me here. This feeling, of nothing. Hopelessly nothing. Im mentally, physically sick, tired and broken. I cant feel anything, im not happy. I miss me. I miss us, befre when nothign else mattered except how much we would fight together.. but you left me hanging. Id fight for you, all the time, id run back to you, just to have you to myself, id try my best to look and treat yyou the way yuo wantd to be treated.. all thse times your exs didnt. I wanted to fill in the blanks. It took two to tango, but i held you too close that i was basically hurting myself by putting my feelings aside just for yours. I forced myself, to pretend as if everything was okay. When i said i loved you, i did. Believe me or not, i wanted to be with you forever. All i wanted you to see was the mistakes that you've done. i wanted you to come to a realization on your own, not just when i tell you too. You got me to fall deeply inlove with you, so you have got to know how to treat me. I have faults too, and i regret them so much. But for now, our time, is to have space. For ourselves, it may seem to suck now, but for the long run, were not just pretending anymore. I hve no reason to hate you, but myself for trying to ignore what i cldnt feel. Im sorry i lied, and im sorry i wasnt good enough.

six whole days.

and ive been constantly thinking, where am i at. Do i really think its gonna pull through. Do you love me? the way you used to. Are you willing to fight for me. The way youd use to fight for me during the summer. Im inlove with you, but whats stopping me from telling you? I feel as if Youre holding back because of a certain someone. Because youre still inlove with her Im scared to give my whole self to you, Im scared of knowing the truth, of finding out the truth. With past relationships, i dont know what i want. I want you to be happy. But if you being happy consists of being with her, then dont drag me along. Im hurt, Im lost, Im tired. Let me be

hey you.

Yeah you, You ARE good enough :)

cant forget it, wont forget it.

" Its that simple feeling, just one feeling, where you feel as if youre on top of the world. but there would always be that other feeling
where you feel like you got in the way. Yeah .. i had that, and i think i still do.. no matter how hard i try to get over it, it wont go away. Cant forget it, wont forget it "

I know you dont check up on this anymore and yeah, i do act as if everythings fine. But i just gotta say:

Honestly, i feel as if I got in the way. Yeah, i never felt like this at first until i had found out what went down after canada day when WE were seeing, until she had told me what was going on. You dont how hurt i was, how betrayed, how much i cried. When i called you to confront you and ask if it was true, i was so angry at myself for thinking that it wouldve worked out. Cant blame anything, its going so well now. But what ive been feeling for awhile. I still feel paranoid. Thinking that since it happened then, why cant it happen now right? Cant say now, but cant say never i dont, its just me i guess. I just still feel shitty about it, i still do. Im sorry if it feels as if im faking my feelings around you. Im not, im like totally inlove with you. It just hurts to know that, you played me.. that you lied to me, that you were basically calling me a rebound.. Im not saying that i regret giving you a chance, trust me, im hellla happy that i gave you another shot. I just still carry around that feeling. That type of whole triangle drama just hasn't happened to me before. I just really hope and pray that there wont be any repeats. I just, still get the feeling that youre still into her.

what its worth.

thinking about it, i change my mind alot. I just really do hope this isnt a mistake.. because this will be my final choice.

" another morning with the lights creepin' in "

do you ever get that feeling where, you feel as if you've succeeded, yet pulled another " oh fucks " moments? yeaah. Well, even if you do have your happiness, theres a part of you where you feel like breaking down. Who knew that it would be this long to get over. Every morning, waking up, thinking about whats next on your life cycle but theres always that one moment where you can actually say that you messed up. Life is full of surprises, whether you like it or not. People need time to cope with things, i tend to walk away. Its just many situations that you cant juggle all at once and you just feel like you wanna get away from it all. Thats the easy way out. But to actually go through it is the toughest part ever. Learn it. I know i will soon. Goodnight blogspot. Goodnight.

" you cannot make yourself feel something you do not feel, but you can make yourself do right in spite of your feelings " - pearl s. buck